This One’s for the Girls
When I was in college, I spent two summers at a ranch in Montana. I was a camp counselor and shared a cabin with nine other girls my age. It was the absolute best experience, but as you can imagine it wasn’t without its challenges. Living in such close quarters with so many other girls opened my eyes to a lot of things, about myself and females in general. Things are revealed when you spend 18 waking hours a day with the same people all summer long. I learned a lot from observing the behavior of the girls around me, as well as my own behavior.
As ladies, we are driven by insecurity. I hate the sound of that as much as anyone else, but it’s the unfortunate truth. Observing girls from all over the country for months at a time truly opened my eyes to this. It’s my opinion that at nine out of ten of the “personality flaws” or issues we struggle with as females can be attributed in some way to insecurity. It’s a virus that causes us to develop a number of negative habits.
One of these habits is the tendency to be defensive. I’ll be honest, I have been among the worst in this category. I was a late bloomer when it came to confidence and “finding myself.” My real transformation came later, when I moved to Montana permanently. When we aren’t sure of ourselves, we take everything that’s said to us and internalize it. We twist the words in our minds and think everything is meant to insult us. We are unaccustomed to giving people the benefit of the doubt. When we become confident in ourselves, we realize the things other people say aren’t usually about us and it’s much easier to believe the best in others.
Another habit we fall into as females is putting others down to build ourselves up. This is perhaps the worst tendency in my opinion, especially as a leader, because it is literally our purpose to build others up. We do this because we don’t feel good enough for one reason or another. Sister, let me assure you that no matter how much learning you still have to do, you are good enough. We must develop the confidence to cheer one another along as we walk our own paths, knowing there is room for everyone to be successful.
To be a good leader, we must overcome our insecurities and find a true confidence that comes from within. Good leaders do not waste time comparing themselves to others or worrying about what others think of them. Don’t mistake this for arrogance or believing you can do no wrong. There must always be a healthy understanding that you may not always be right, or that someone else knows better. I’m not talking about arrogance. I’m talking about being confident at your core in who you are, what you stand for, and what you have to offer. In fact, there will always be someone who knows more or can do something better than you can. Possessing this kind of confidence means being okay with that, even glad for it. This kind of confidence knows it’s not about you and appreciates the value of everyone at the table.
I said “this one’s for the girls,” but the truth is insecurity plagues us all and can hold us back in tremendous ways both personally and professionally. My hope is that you will search yourself for the root of whatever insecurity has you bonded. Overcoming insecurity is a necessary step in leadership development, and though it may take work it is worth the effort in getting to the next level and being an Untamed Leader.
